A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor placing his stethoscope on the dog’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, but your dog has passed away.” “What?” screamed the man. “How can you tell? You haven’t done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!” With that, the vet turned...
A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor. John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat? Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him. “Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes,” answered the patient. “You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I’m never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I’m going, or what it is I’m going to do once I...
A physics professor was explaining a complicated concept when a premed student interrupted him. “Why do we have to learn this stuff?” the young man blurted out. “To save lives,” the professor replied. “How does physics save lives?” the smartass student asked. “Physics saves lives,” the professor said, “because it keeps certain people out of medical school.”
The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.” “That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added, “Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change…”
Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best Patients to operate on. The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.' The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.' The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them...
Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.
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Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Doctors were told to contribute to the construction of a new wing at the hospital. What did they do? The allergists voted to scratch it. The dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it. The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve. The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception. The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted. The orthopedists issued a joint resolution. The pathologists yelled, "over my...
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands from shaking!""Do you drink a lot?""Not really - I spill most of it.